Apologize

If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.

I used to think that that quote (by Marilyn Monroe, I believe) was one of the most arrogant lines of snobbery anyone could let slip from their lips, and yet I found myself agreeing with it lately. Well, of course not unconditionally. People should always work to improve themselves. I guess it's like.. you shouldn't expect to enjoy company with someone without also experiencing their sadness and negativity also. Wait, am I wrong? Maybe.

I want to give you up. If there's a chance for me to give you up, then I'm going to take it.

Friends say it's best to just cut your losses, even if it's painful to do so. I can't save everything. Sometimes it's necessary to remove an irrecoverable limb to save an individual from certain death. I definitely care too much. A win-win situation isn't always possible. Now the question is, am I selfish or am I selfless?

I want to apologize for how I've been, but it's hard. Apologies are always difficult for me. Sometimes I say them too often, sometimes I don't say them enough. But an apology is only as meaningful as the intent to keep your promise to never do whatever it was again. Regardless, I have a long way to go before everything gets better.

Canine Diabetes

Who would've thought that my dog would develop diabetes? I don't know what I should do.. Our neighbor took him to the vet and he got some medication. I'm not sure of the details because my parents can't really explain it to me using the correct terminology. Is there a shot that he should get? Does he have diabetes mellitus (insulin deficiency) or insipidus (ADH/vasopressin deficiency)?

Holidays

Is it a common thing for friends to hang out for the holidays, or do you more commonly spend that time with your family? I'm always with family during the holidays, but we haven't done anything exciting since I was maybe 10 or something.

Things I want to do sometime:

1. snowboard
2. learn to fly a plane
3. finish writing letters
4. do something exciting for the holidays!!
5. play piano (modern songs)

Oh no, I'm going to be late for lunch! D:

Something missing..

[M/V] BIGBANG - 声をきかせて [HD]

Winter break has finally begun, and now I can relax! For some reason I always get this feeling of emptiness when I'm at home. No, it's not because I don't love my family! It's because I usually end up staying cooped up indoors. I felt smothered at Cal, and now I feel aimless at home.

Anyway, I plan on playing a new mmorpg called Vindictus to pass the time. I'll edit this post later!

edit - 12/22 @ 5pm

Unfortunately my laptop has a horrible graphics card (curse you, Intel!), so the game lags like no other. On top of that, the rain is supposedly making the internet speeds really low and infrequently connected.. I'll figure this out somehow!

The Last Stretch

Last final to go!

I noticed that I've never played and sung a song at the same time; maybe I'll try this winter break! I should do more things that I want to do anyway.

Note to self: learn to play "Grenade" by Bruno Mars on the piano.

Life is a roller coaster

5 things that I hate/really dislike:

1. arrogant/callous/selfish/disrespectful individuals
2. lack of peace from annoying smells or intruding sounds, etc. (this includes too much socializing)
3. falseness; kissing up; nosy-ness
4. excess; extravagant waste; leads to pollution
5. damaging things; throwing things away; tied to #4 OR hershey's milk chocolate

I feel like I've really changed this semester, and not just in a "I can't believe how much I've grown" way. Somehow I feel like a really regressed as a person. Sometimes I just want to scream, go away, lock myself up in my room - but I never do. I lack self control.

I haven't taken control of my life in such a long time. I feel like I've only been going with the flow and letting things happen rather than addressing things as they come up. Now I'm completely tangled up in a mess. I've completely compromised myself and my moral character.. now how do I rebuild it all?

Sometimes I want to just forget everything that happened this semester, and yet despite all of my regrets, I feel like I really learned something this time around. I should've just followed my list that I made before I came to college: "Learn to say no."