Poise and Rationality

So I thought I would be safe in my own room, but apparently not. Well, how could I be? My new roommate has lots of issues of her own, as evidenced by her many late night yelling matches. (Was that rude? She just talks loudly.) I can never understand why some people are so abrasive.

We basically got into a stupid argument yesterday morning over the window. Although the initial argument was both of our faults, she's just escalating things out of control by publicizing everything that happened then and now. (Multiple facebook statuses, phone calls.. is this really necessary?) Then she said that I "don't know how to talk to black people" because I disrespected her by watching a video where a black woman said "nigger" and "nigga". Obviously that was satirical. Anyway, her behavior reminds me a lot of this song..

When will everything chill??

Ganbatte!

I have a midterm coming up soon, and the last thing I need is to contemplate the complexities of life! I can't help but daydream lately. I just need to pull through Monday and I'll be home free!

I'm super stressed with work, but I've finished some things at least!

1. FAFSA
2. bio 1b midterm
3. cleaning room (though this is still a daily commitment so I'll never really be done)

Stuff left to do:

1. scan & email bio worksheets
2. bio library assignment
3. study for ochem
4. study for bio lab practical
5. email decal people
6. clean drawer
7. plane ticket
8. prepare for labor coach interview
9. judo :D

On another note, my ochem GSI is so nice. Unfortunately I didn't take advantage of the online office hours before he made them open to the public, but now I can hopefully observe and learn!

Reminiscent

Are things coming to an end now? Honestly, I guess I just want an outlet for what I've been feeling. I've been treating my friends horribly. I've been a hermit. I've missed class. I'm behind in my coursework. I stopped looking for a job. I stopped thinking ahead, for myself. My life would be so different now had I made different choices in the past. There's no (reasonable) way I could be at a lower point than I am now. What other choices could I have made that would have led me to a more desperate situation than this?

I've had the same iPod since about 7th grade, but I've never really used it for anything other than as a massive USB. Tonight I decided to play a couple of songs, and it just reminded me so much of who I was and what my life was like. Stability, comfort, care, closeness, love. I honestly feel a lot of regret and sadness about the things that I've done, but I wouldn't be who I am today had things been different. (Yes, I sound like a broken record.) I miss the past. I miss my old routines. I miss the old me. And I miss you, stranger. You, who I once knew so much about, who I could talk to about anything, from whom I am now ever so distant and far removed. Everything is a learning experience. I just need to make sure I don't make the same mistakes again.

I may be sad that things aren't turning out how I had imagined 6 months ago, but I'm starting to believe that these things happen for a reason. I wonder what other things are in store for me now.

[On another note, I am the world's most awkward person ever. Please, if you see this, reintegrate me into functioning society!!]

Day 09 — A photo of you taken recently

Not the greatest photo, but this was taken 2 weeks ago so this is pretty recent. This was taken at Fort Mason in SF in the "Great Meadow" portion of the park. I actually didn't think it would be very amazing, but there were so many people playing with their dogs!! Very exciting. :]

I'm still wondering where things are headed. Why is everything so confusing to me? Frustration, go away!

As one door closes, another one opens; but this door isn't closed, it's simply forgotten.

Piece of my..

Sometimes inspiration hits you like a ton of bricks. And then ideas explode out of your head in a bloody yet artistic mess. Gross.. haha.

How do you have a successful relationship, romantic or otherwise? There must be a balance between the give and take. Shall I throw in the towel now?

I feel so broken right now. I want to be independent, but I'm not strong enough to go through with it. I want to soak it all up; don't wring me dry of my emotions!!

Can I be honest with you? You won't tell anyone, right? Well, I guess I should let you know that I've been feeling really down lately. I wish someone could be there to pick me up, but I can't let that happen, can I? I'd like it, especially if it were you. Please pick up that piece of my..

Day 08 – A Photo You Took

Ghirardelli Square at night! This was from 2 weeks ago. I've actually only been here maybe 2 times?

YES

Things to be done:

1. ochem worksheet + prelab + review
2. bio webcasts
3. work study
4. dinner with family tonight!!
5. stats homework
6. laundry..

I'm going to channel my energy into more productive pathways. I CAN DO THIS!