Reminiscent

Are things coming to an end now? Honestly, I guess I just want an outlet for what I've been feeling. I've been treating my friends horribly. I've been a hermit. I've missed class. I'm behind in my coursework. I stopped looking for a job. I stopped thinking ahead, for myself. My life would be so different now had I made different choices in the past. There's no (reasonable) way I could be at a lower point than I am now. What other choices could I have made that would have led me to a more desperate situation than this?

I've had the same iPod since about 7th grade, but I've never really used it for anything other than as a massive USB. Tonight I decided to play a couple of songs, and it just reminded me so much of who I was and what my life was like. Stability, comfort, care, closeness, love. I honestly feel a lot of regret and sadness about the things that I've done, but I wouldn't be who I am today had things been different. (Yes, I sound like a broken record.) I miss the past. I miss my old routines. I miss the old me. And I miss you, stranger. You, who I once knew so much about, who I could talk to about anything, from whom I am now ever so distant and far removed. Everything is a learning experience. I just need to make sure I don't make the same mistakes again.

I may be sad that things aren't turning out how I had imagined 6 months ago, but I'm starting to believe that these things happen for a reason. I wonder what other things are in store for me now.

[On another note, I am the world's most awkward person ever. Please, if you see this, reintegrate me into functioning society!!]